Sex Tips for Sad Bastards
by
[Excerpt]
The author has no doctorate in transactional analysis, and no thriving counselling practice. He is totally unqualified to write on this subject, except for this one vital qualification; that it takes one to know one.
He designs software for a living and had no girlfriend until the age of 22, but is now married to a beautiful Australian. His father used to be a train-spotter, so his very existence just goes to show that there's hope for us all.
This is a book for thinking men who have difficulty forming sexual relationships with women, but have a sense of humour about it. Obviously, there are a lot of possible reasons for these difficulties, but I'm thinking mostly of shyness, clumsiness, inhibition and generally weak social skills.
This book offers two things. One is a conceptual model for interpreting courtship and sexual behaviour so that it can be understood by us anoraks who have no instinct for this stuff. The other is some advice. This 'advice' bit leans heavily on my own experience, but I believe there are other men and boys out there with whom it will strike a chord. As the lyric has it, 'I've got a feeling I'm not the only one'.
If you feel that the difficulties you experience in getting laid are cognitive difficulties, then you're definitely a sad bastard. (No offence. I speak from personal experience).
That would mean you feel that what you need is to know how to achieve sex. It means you think you need a method, which can be communicated in words.
If you can believe that, then it's probably true (of you), and this book may be able to help you out a bit.
Alternatively, you may have observed that many people seem to be able to get off with each other without apparently knowing anything about anything. You may have concluded that the difficulties which you personally experience in getting laid are essentially mysterious; that there's a whole dimension of human life out there into which you're somehow not invited, and that's all there is to say about it.
In that case, this book just might show you how to gatecrash.
Some people may have told you that you should just be yourself, and act naturally, and things will happen for you. As you will have discovered by now, they're wrong.
Other people may have told you that women would never go for someone who approached them with a method; that women want to see the real you, that they want authenticity and spontaneity. This is a dangerous half-truth.
If you have looked for sexual advice from men who have always been sexually successful, then you have found that it just didn't work for you. Otherwise you wouldn't be reading this.
The fact is that we sad bastards need to approach relationships in a very different way from those people to whom being sexy comes more naturally. That's what this book is all about. I hope you find it helpful. Failing that, I hope it gives you a good laugh.